I have been called brave before. For saying that a guy grabbed my ass when I was out on a run, a friend said I was brave to talk about it in public. For moving to a different country where I didn't know anyone, I have been told I was brave. For travelling on my own. For expressing my opinions. For believeing that what I believe is right is right, and for daring to defend it.
And yet, I don't feel brave. It's not that I think I'm a coward, but I don't think I'm brave. I'm ordinary, certainly no braver than anyone else, almost certainly more of a scaredy cat than a lot of people. The things that people have told me I'm brave for, I don't believe are acts of bravery, but rather the inevitable result of being who I am. Being brave isn't doing what comes naturally, but acting against your fears. Being brave isn't doing what others are scared to do, but doing what you are scared to do. Telling me that I am brave because I find writing about myself and what happens to me cathartic, is like saying that a hawk is brave for diving at 200km/h speeds. It's not bravery, it's survival instinct.
Now, this isn't to say that there aren't brave people in the world. There are actions that it takes great courage to take, and they are different for each person. For some of us, admitting we are wrong and asking for forgiveness is huge act of bravery. For others, fighting back, saying no, leaving is brave. And yet for others, the opposite, staying despite everything is bravery. Bravery depends on your perspective, and I doubt that many people would admit to being brave for things they feel are second nature. You will not hear many people saying "it took a lot of courage for me to do that", it's always others who say that. What most people who have done something brave will say is "it was what I had to do, what anyone would have done in my position". This is, the bravery others see in us doesn't exist, it's simply what we had to do, what anyone else, had they been ourselves, would do.
I read recently that for many people suicide isn't scary, but comforting. A way out. Of course, I knew this to be true but until I read it, until I saw someone else say it, I didn't realise how true it was. For many suicide isn't scary or sad, it's a safety net. Knowing that it is possible to get out, that if things get bad, you can leave, that there's nothing holding you here but yourself. Seen from this point of view, committing suicide is not an act of bravery, but rather an act of comfort: the brave thing to do would be to stay alive. This isn't to say that suicide is easy, or that it isn't at all scary, simply that it is the less scary option between dying and staying alive for some people.
It all goes back to the same thing then: does bravery exist? Or is it just a byproduct of who each of one is, and of where we are in life? Is bravery another name for what we see others do that we consider ourselves incapable of?
