The fact is, deep down, and even if I don't like it, I'm the most bog-standard person you can find. I might claim that I don't do New Year's resolutions, but that's just because I know I'll break them. And I might say I don't think New Year's Eve is special, but deep down I do. In fact, it's probably one of my favourite nights of the year. I spend the evening with my mum and dad; sometimes someone else from the family joins, but we keep it small. My mum and I drink too much bubbly. We have a lovely dinner, sometimes we even dress up. My dad does the countdown to midnight with a gong (don't even ask). And afterwards, we play Scrabble (and I lose epically every time). Then I go out. I don't know why I like going out on NYE. It might be because of how much I miss going out in Spain generally. Feeling like the night really doesn't have to end until I want it to. Even in a small city, you can stay out as late as you want, and because my hometown is a small city I know everyone. It helps (at least it helps me) that the people I go out with tend to go to bars, not clubs, until pretty late, so I can drink, and chat; maybe play darts, generally have a really good time.
I've always loved the Christmas holidays. I don't really know why. I guess it started off as a kid because of the presents, but now it's somethign else. I like the quiet and the stillness. I like the food. I like seeing people. I like that I can stay warm inside, or go out running in the cold. I like that it's two whole weeks where I'm properly on holiday, even if I'm home. I like that I get to spend it with my parents and that a lot of the rest of the family is there too. I guess part of me loving Christmas is that I haven't ever missed one. Living away from home (even if it's technically just about five hours away) means that I miss out on a lot. Day to day things. I missed out on my dog dying. I miss out on birthdays, and evenings out for dinner. I miss out on celebrating with my family when something good happens, and I sometimes even miss out on bad news because my family want to spare me. But it's also the small things. I miss out on movie nights at home, on the couch in the basement. I miss out on coffee with my mum in the morning, with the radio on, listening to la SER, which is just our least hated radio station. I miss out on conversations with my dad about... pretty much anything. I miss out on my house, which slowly changes without me being there. And yes, I miss out, but I also just miss my family, and my childhood home, and Salamanca, and Spain.
I'm going back tonight, and for a while, I wasn't really looking forward to it, and I was pissed off that I wasn't. But this morning I woke up excited. I get to go home and see everyone. I'm gonna see my cousin! I'm gonna get to play music with him, and it's gonna be a blast. There's gonna be food (all of the food) and drink (just bubbly for me at Christmas, except for on NYE). There's also probably going to be a lot of reading (which I'm really looking forward to) and movie-going. It's going to be amazing. Not the least, because it has been a long year.
And it has been a long year. I started the year unemployed, doing a shed-load of coxing and coaching, making new friends, finding new hobbies (DnD has been quite the rediscovery) and being more irresponsible than I should have been. I've ended the year with a permanent job I love, doing less rowing, fucking up with old friends (and new), and still being irresponsible. I think the irresponsible bit is that I don't really want to accept that I'm no longer a student, or that I'm in my late twenties. Call it a quarter-life crisis. The rest of it is just life. But all in all, if I think about it, it's been a tough year, but a good one. I can't deny I've had fun. And I think I've learnt a lot about being a grown up. Hell, I negotiated a raise in my starting salary by pitching two offers against each other, got a pet, got insurance for the first time and even made an effort to understand how my taxes work. I've also learnt a bit about being lonely, and about being a good friend. All good lessons I thought I'd finished learning years ago.
And yes, I'm still pretty bog-standard. I'd rather listen to trashy pop cos it's easy; sometimes it's funner to read a bad book with a good hook than 'actual literature', and I've watched more romcoms in the last month or so than I would like to admit. I am a gossip and I like to bitch about people more than anyone I know. But fortunately, I'm surrounded by pretty amazing people who do extraordinary things, and sometimes (I hope) a little bit of that rubs off.
I have friends who make communities around them, and who include me in them, even when I try to stay out. I have colleagues who build me up, even when I think that I'm just not good enough. I have friends who put up with me when I'm in a bad mood, and celebrate with me when I'm in a good one. But it's more than that. I am lucky enough to know people so committed to what they love that they push themselves hard every day, encouraging the rest of us to do the same (rowers, that goes for all of you). People with class, who despite having had a pretty tough year, still smile and push through it and get on with things, and even have the time to listen to a rant and give you a hug at the end of it. I have made friends this year with people this year who have more endurance, resilience and heart than I could ever hope to. People who write whole worlds for their friends to enjoy. People who organise parties, or outings, or runs, so that others can enjoy with them. I have been surrounded this year by so many people who make the world, or their corner of the world, a better place. How lucky am I?
I don't do New Year's resolutions, but that's just because I know I'll break them. But for 2020, I'm hoping the highs can be as high, and the friends can be as good. As for me, I'll try to make my bit of the world a little bit better, because the people in it sure deserve it.
