I don't like lies. And I most certainly don't like secrets. It makes me sad when people lie to me and it makes me mad when friends keep secrets for me. Especially when they say it's for my own good. But, truth be told, I can't complain. I do the exact same thing. I keep a couple of secrets from nearly everyone I know, and I lie nearly every day. Sometimes I hate myself for it, sometimes I make myself feel a bit better by telling myself that everyone does this. Most of the time the lies are tiny lies. Lies that make the day go on without too much hassle. Saying "good" when someone asks how are you. Or agreeing with someone just to avoid an argument. Sometimes the lies are a little bit bigger and that's when I worry about my soul. If I have one.
I wonder if everyone asks themselves once in a while whether they're bad people. I don't ask it of myself often, but once in a while the question pops up. What makes a bad person? Does a slip make a bad person? I don't know. I know I'm lazy. Some may say this doesn't make me a bad person but sometimes it comes close. One shouldn't be lazy when it comes to the people close to them. One should always make an effort to make them happy.
A teacher once told me there are three versions of each person: the person as they see themselves, the person as others see them, and the person as they are. The goal should be to make these three people as close to one another as possible.
I have no idea why this should be the goal. I mean, do I really want to be seen by others the way I see myself? Probably not. Do I want to be the person I think I am? Well, since my view of myself changes everyday, it would probably give me multiple personality disorder, so probably not. Sometimes I do wish I could know what others think of me. I can't really express why I want to know this, probably it would bother me, but I guess I believe that the truth will set me free. I mean, at least if I know what people really think of me I'll learn something about myself. And perhaps who my friends really are. If I have any.
In any case, for a few years now my "philosophy" in life has been out of High Fidelity. Rob says that Laura, his girlfriend, or his ex, or whatever exactly she is, would never make anyone pay for her bad moods. Or something like that, I'm definitely paraphrasing. I believe in this whole heartedly. Your problems are your own, and other people shouldn't have to deal with them. No one should pay because you've had a bad day. So if you have, try to slap a smile on your face if you're meeting some friends, or your family, or whatever. They don't deserve to have a bad day just because you have.
I'm not great at this. I make other people suffer for my bad days often enough. I try not to, but most of the time I can't help it. But I try. And so, I end up telling a few lies, and keeping a few secrets. So no, I don't want other people thinking that I am who I really am, or even thinking that I am who I think I am. I want, if at all possible, to make people around me a tiny bit happier. As far as I can, I wanna help them out with their problems. And as far as I can, I don't want to weigh them down with my own.
Your comments on the three different people we are interest me. A few years ago, I decided to pretend to be the person I wanted to be, and by doing so, I somehow became that person. It made me happier with myself, and though I know my faults, I'm largely content with the way I am. Whether that has achieved the goal you speak of I can't say. How can anyone judge that?
ReplyDeleteHow is it that we present different facets of ourselves to different sets of people? Does that happen when we try too hard to fit in? I think we all do it, even if it's subconsciously.
I actually found it interesting when my teacher said it, but ultimately I think the only thing you can do about it is to try and be who you want to be. No one can judge whether the person you think you are is the person you are... I think it's an interesting concept (about the three people) but not a very useful one since it's impossible to know how well you're doing at it.
ReplyDeleteAs to showing different façades to different people I think that's just how it is. After all, we're not the same to everyone, I would hate to be seen the same way by my parents, my friends and my work colleagues for example. It's like the little lies: in the end they make the world work.