"What's in a name?

That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." W. Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet.

I've lost count of how many times I've been asked how to pronounce my name. The question is usually asked by well-meaning Brits, or Americans, who realise that being Spanish, I probably wouldn't pronounce Helena the way they do. And I never know how to answer.

Partly, it's because no matter how hard they try most English-speaking people will never pronounce my name quite right the way it's meant to be pronounced in Spanish. Partly, it's because I know that even if they did, they would sooner or late revert to calling me either he-LAY-na or (my preferred) HE-lena. It's easier. I even call myself HE-lena when I say my name in English. It's easier for me than to switch to Spanish vowels for a single word. 

But mostly it's because the way that English-speakers pronounce my name are also the right way to say my name. I learnt English when I was three, and have been using it regularly since I was 7. People have been pronouncing my name in a non-Spanish way pretty much my whole life. It's my name too. Do I love it whena Spanish person calls me Helena (I am not transcribing the Spanish pronunciation here, but for anyone who would like to know, the H is silent and the vowels are all open, what I would call flat vowels: e-LE-na. The first e and the second e are pronounced exactly the same)? Yes. It makes me feel at home. But I do not feel any less identified with my name when someone calls me HE-lena or when one of my uni friends calls me he-LAY-na (yeah guys, I fucking hate how you pronounce my name, even if it's familiar and all). It would be downright weird if some people I know started calling me Helena the Spanish way.

And then there's the other, funny part. I identify a lot more with the spelling of my name than I do with the sound. This is partly because I was named after Helen of Troy (Helena de Troya in Spanish), and the H is significant but silent in Spanish. The typical spelling of "my" name in Spanish is Elena (but almost no Spanish classicist would call Helen of Troy Elena de Troya in an essay). Elena is not my name. And whenever I go to the doctor, or make a reservation, or do anything that requires someone who doesn't know me to write my name in Spain, they write it wrong. They miss the H. And honestly, this bothers me so much more than the pronunciation. It's like you're taking part of my identity when you take away that H. And in English, I don't have that problem. Sure, in e-mails people will (surprisingly often) refer to me as Helen (at least in one occasion the person concerned thought I'd made a mistake when signing my e-mail!), but the H is never missing, and for that I'm grateful.

I wonder how universal this feeling of identifying with the written version of your name rather than the sound is. I suspect not particularly, and I suspect that a lot of people who suffer from this often don't get their name mispronounced (or not in a significant enough way that they mind). What is fascinating to see is that with the rise of people asking to have their names correctly pronounced (and what a great development this is) I'm getting asked more and more how to pronounce my name right. And honestly? I am grateful. It's wonderful that people are more aware that they may be getting names wrong, and trying to make sure they're pronouncing their friends and colleagues names right. But it's fucking annoying when I say it's fine and people insist. Listen to the person you're talking to. When I say I don't mind I usually explain why I don't care. Believe me. Believe people when they tell you things. It makes everyone's lives so much easier.