Idealism

I find myself having the same argument over and over again, with slightly different people. It goes something like this: they'll say something that I find perfect, but unrealistic. Or they'll say something that I find horrible, but realistic. And I'm forced to admit I take sides with the realistic group.

I'm only 22 and I sometimes feel like I'm jaded. I don't think about utopias because I know they can never exist, and I find myself agreeing with people whose ideas I would by nature reject.

A few years ago I spent a night sitting in bed with a really close friend. We spoke until dawn about how the world could be made better. We were full of ideas about what we wanted to do with our lives, how we would make a difference, how we could change the world for the better. Back then, I truly believed it could be done. Sometimes I think I've lost it. I am too cynical for it, I don't have ideals anymore, I don't believe the world can be made better, or at least not by me. And I miss that girl that I used to be, who used to dream with ending world hunger, and protecting the Amazon. It was naïve, but hey, I'm young, it's what I should be fighting for.

Now I've realised that that part of me isn't gone. Not really. It's still there, happily nestled somewhere close to my heart, but it doesn't come out often. It hides. A lot of other parts of me hide it a lot of the time, parts of me that I have to deal with day to day. But it's still there.

All I need is someone to draw it out. Someone who will sit with me for hours discussing South American literature, or Middle Eastern politics, or how to save the world from global warming. Someone who also thinks they've lost this part of themselves, and who would be happy to get it back, if just for a few hours, to remember that the world is worth living in, and worth saving.

If anyone feels up for the job, get in touch. I'd love to have a chat.